Backwards Clarity

Recently Sandra posed the question, "Do you have a testimony of wearing garments?"  It took me a bit off guard.  I hesitantly replied, "Truthfully, I don't ever really think about them.  I wear them because we are supposed to wear them, but I don't really have a testimony about garments.  I promised I would wear them and I do".  She then asked, "Do you think it's bad if someone who has gone through the temple decides to stop wearing their garments?"  My knee-jerk response was, "Yes, I think it's wrong to stop wearing them".  I know they are unbelievably unattractive, ill-fitting, and often disgustingly stained and frayed beyond words.  That being said, besides the bold personal statement of recanting a sacred promise and turning contrary to church policy and standards, I had to ask myself "what really is the purpose of wearing them"?

Today, Sandra and I were invited to attend the temple with her family.  They wanted to do initiatories and it was a wonderful experience.  At the end of each rotation we received the authorization to wear garments for the person we were going through for.  After describing the promised blessings for faithfully wearing them, they warned that these blessings were only available so long as we did not defile our garments AND that we kept the other covenants we made in the temple.

After our sessions were over, me, Steve (my Father-in-law) and Zack (my Brother-in-law) sat in the temple waiting room and began to talk about our experiences and I brought up the question, "What do you think it means that our garments will be a protection against the destroyer"?  We discussed variously debated replies, such as a literal shield protecting you from harm (ie. fire, danger…) to a continual reminder of the covenants you have made and person you ought to be.

Then my father-in-law brought up a really profound thought.  He said, the first conversation from heaven after Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden was from an angel who asked, "Why dost thou offer sacrifices unto the Lord? And Adam said unto him: I know not, save the Lord commanded me" (Moses 5:6).  You see, even Adam and Eve didn't know the 'why's' about everything they were asked to do.  Steve then said, I have found throughout my life that you just do what God asks you to do, even if you don't understand why right now.  Eventually the day will come when you look back on your life and exclaim, "I am so glad I was obedient, because God blessed me in so many ways that at the time  I never could have fathomed the blessings I would have gained and while I did not understand then, I understand now and the reasons are as clear as day."

He then used the example of tithing.  The promise is if you pay your tithing, God will open the windows of heaven and pour out a blessings so grand that we wouldn't have enough room to receive it (Malachi 3:10).  For those of us who begin paying our tithing for the first time, it was scary and the blessings uncertain.  What are the blessings going to be?  I could really use the extra money, but paying tithing doesn't guarantee money, or health, or prosperity?  However, in time, you see God's hand in your life. You look back clearly on your life and see how often He has intervened in your behalf.  Then, you couldn't fathom not paying your tithing, for the blessings far outweigh the sacrifice.

Upon leaving the temple I discussed our conversation with Sandra.  She too was impressed and found answers while serving in the temple and shared her inspiration with me.  She felt that for her, wearing the garments is an outward manifestation of an inward commitment and that wearing garments gives us protection against the world and evil because we have already inwardly committed to not be a part of the world and evil.  Deciding not to wear the garment is more than the mere decision of fashion or comfort; it is the outward manifestation of a collapsing inward commitment and testimony.

I am grateful for Sandra challenging me to deeply consider a part of my testimony that I hadn't developed or even considered for that matter.  I am also grateful for the temple, scriptures, prayer and family where we can go to find answers and nurture our testimonies.  For the first time in my life I can say I wear garments not just because I am supposed to, but because I want to declare (even if it's just to myself) my inward testimony that I will not be of this world and that I will be obedient and faithful even when I do not fully understand.  I acknowledge that I do not understand all of God's ways (maybe not even most!), but I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.  I know the day will come when I will be able to look back at my well-worn life and see God's hand clearly.  At that day I will be so grateful that I chose to be obedient even when I didn't understand.