Fangtard

I have already changed my new blog's title three times and it will probably change again.  To come up with ideas I went to a website called slangsite.com which lists a dictionary of sorts of strange and slang terms.  Trying to find words that start with the letter 'F' (besides the obviously offensive ones) I came across of several hilarious new and useful words like:

F.I.N.E.: F-ed up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.  Use it when your feeling that way.
fab-flippin-tastic: Something that is incredibly good, so saying it's fantastic isn't enough, you have to combine three words to express your joy! (where I got my current blog name)
fabulicious: Fabulous-delicious. Great, fantastic, wonderful, yummy.
fader: (n) A fader is someone who does not seem to exist--though the fader is still there, no one in the world wants to recognize that fact. Faders are the forgotten souls, the forgotten dreams that slipped away. Faders are everywhere.
fangtard: (My personal favorite new word) A specific type of loser in the gothic poseur category, the fangtard is a cultural stereotype that began to invade the gothic night clubs in the later 90s. Some typical traits include fake fangs, Victorian attire, black trench coats, poet or pirate shirts, dyed black hair, white makeup, top hats, Anne Rice novels, and _Vampire: the Masquerade_ game books. Some actually try to convince others that they are vampires, when in fact they are merely losers who live with their parents.
fantabulanistical: Used to describe something that's fantastic, wonderful, amazing, bringing about many happy warm fuzzy feelings.
fantra: So embarrassed for someone else that your butt cheeks involuntarily clench in sympathy.
farble: To work aimlessly, amiably, without focus.
farge: The dried stuff that you find on the ketchup bottle cap.
farnarkle: The stuff that appears next to your fingernails if you don't push the cuticles back.
fashimite: Someone who is a slave to fashion.
fattycapped: A person who has reduced mobility due to the presence of extra weight--Terminally obese.
festouche: The hairs growing on the upper lip of some women, especially rednecks, often evolving into full festouches if not waxed.
fillerneumic peckerloomer: Someone who annoys you inordinately.
Fincher Syndrome: When someone looks good in the dim light of a nightclub or a concert, but makes you want to puke when seen in the light of day. Named for filmmaker David Fincher, who often uses underexposure.
Flabam: The taking down of someone's pants with a quick swipe of the hand in an s like motion.
flabbergammered: To be so astonished that you stammer.
flodge: The frayed or torn part on the bottom of trouser legs of the young, caused by the fabric dragging along the ground.
floochie: A floochie is the act of placing one's mouth on someone else's stomach, arm, etc. and blowing out, for the purpose of making a phthhhh sound.
flosstitute: Professional Dental Hygienist.
flubnub: The act of bumping into an obese person for the sick pleasure of watching her jiggle.
flurple: The little flap of skin in between each finger.
fnarkenessing: An extreme case of frustration, restlessness, boredom, and depression--due to the inability to rectify the situation without requiring the individual to expend an hugenormous amount of effort.
fontrum: The embarrassment one feels on behalf of people who do not know they should be
embarrassed for themselves.

We all know the fontrum we feel for the plethora of fillerneumic peckerloomers who strut their stuff like they were part of some kind of cool gansta posse.  Wearing their oversized jeans half way down their thighs exposing their latest boxers prints and butt cheeks all while tripping all over the place due to the excessive flodge hanging three inches below their heals.  This ridiculous (and soon to be extinct) trend is now being replaced by the modern Utah Mom fashimites who must have the latest trendy designer knock-off jeans, you know the ones with the hugely oversized stitched designs on their back pockets and low cut riding waist line.  We have all been there, flabbergammered as they expose 6 inches of silky garments up their back every time they bend over for any reason!  Seriously, just wear clothes that fit your body and religious choices (or at least just don't ever bend over--I can't take the fantra)!

However fantabulanistical it may be to poke fun at the seemingly emotionally stable segment of society whose only deficit is a small lack of fashion sense, it is completely inappropriate to make fun of the socially awkward and often outcasts like the faders and fangtards.  We must realize that being socially retarded is not necessarily a conscious choice, but a resulting consequence of complex social & genetic environments.  None of which, however, could ever really justify oneself in thinking they have become a vampire, which delusions begs serious mental health considerations (although they probably all suffer from Fincher's syndrome).  Speaking of mental health, those other social freaks known as flubnubbers, whose fabulicious delight is to bump into fat people to see them 'jiggle' is just plain wrong!  After all it may not be their fault their fattycapped--it could be glandular!

All though there are a lot of weirdos in this world, we all have our hang ups and fnarkenessing, but cheer-up at least you don't have a festouche--now that would be embarrassing!  Unless you do?  In that case stop farbling around and go out and pamper that furry little body of yours.  Get yourself a good waxing and well deserved pedicure.  Make sure they clean your flurples and farnarkles.  After they are done shaving your knuckles make your way to your favorite flosstitute (I can recommend a few) to get that farge off your beautiful smile.  I promise you you'll feel like a hundred bucks (if not fifty).

Just realize that sometimes in life, not only are we are own best friend and fan, we may very well be our only friend and fan.  So go out there and be your best self!

I don't really have anything to say...

I know that this is not a good way to start off my new blog and it will most definitely curtail any future hopes of winning over the viral world of chronic bloggers to my doorstep.  Nevertheless, here I am--in all my lack of glory!  I feel a bit like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite who really doesn't have anything to say, but is basically a nice guy, liked by most everyone who knows him, but remembered by few.  Always welcome, but rarely invited or noticed.  But, could easily be voted in as class president: yeah, "vote for Pedro"!

My wife's reading this over my shoulder as I am writing and telling me, "That's what your writing about? Nobody's ever going to read your blog!" Frankly, she's embarrassed of my awesome blogging skills, and she has good reason to feel so, seeing that everyone loves her blog.  If you really want to read something that is deep, introspective or often hilarious, please stop reading here immediately (because you won't find any of that here) and read my wife's blog: www.4peanutsandacashew.blogspot.com where you will not be disappointed.

Actually, although I doubt I will write prolifically, I do plan on writing about the life I am living and adding in my own antidotal thoughts on the superfluousness of life, family and politics.  Therefore, feel free to add me to the blogs you follow, after all, who knows but someday I will write something that may change your life forever and you'll be all the more blessed to have known me!