A few weeks ago our Stake Patriarch and one of the sweetest and most honorable men in our ward passed away. His name was Vince Hess. He was survived by his brother, Jay Hess and his sister Joyce Hess Lambson, who live in homes on either side of Vince's and were thus all in my ward. Last Sunday, a few days after the funeral, was our ward's fast and testimony meeting. Joyce, who has long suffered from a speech impediment, stood up and bore her testimony. She stuttered and struggled throughout, sharing her gratitude and heartfelt thanks for her brother and the generous well-wishers who had given her comfort in her recent loss. She also expressed her testimony of God, Jesus and the truthfulness of the gospel. Her testimony was all the sweeter because of the obvious struggles she bore in verbally expressing it to all of us her friends and neighbors.
Regrettably, and to the banishment of the precious spirit that Sister Lambson had brought to the meeting, no sooner than did she sit down did an unknown man from an out of town ward boldly stand up and boasted that when he was young he too suffered from a speech impediment, but that through his fervent faith and prayers God in a miraculous spectacle from heaven had healed him from his infirmity, like lightening from heaven he was made whole. From that moment on he never again suffered from that affliction, in fact, not only was he no longer burdened and weighed down by his physical malady, but in actuality excelled far beyond that of average men. He then, ad nauseam and in excessive self-praising, gloated of his many accomplishments, publishing, TV infomercials, books, speeches that he was able to achieved due to his mighty faith and unfettered brilliance. But this was not all, his eructation of his personal excellence continued as he recounted his unwavering faith and resilience as a child as he suffered through an atrocious tragedy. To which he then provided a morbidly disturbing and graphically accurate rendition of the time he found the remains of his 'demon possessed' mother who had fatally shot herself in the head. In his triumphant finale, he then professed to have later received, not only a surreal spiritual miracle, but to have received one by the literal hands of none other than the Three Nephites, who had seen fit and absolutely necessary to personally intervene in his behalf!
I can not say that his stories of miracles and manifestations were not true. I can not say that God or even the Three Nephites did not intervene in his life. Nor for that matter can I attest to his mental stability. What I can say, however, is the spirit which humbly bore witness to the testimony of Sister Lambson had fled for cover on the arrogance and self-aggrandizing of this out-of-town brother. The saddest consequence of this gentleman's boasting occurred a few hours later, as my wife Sandra later relayed to me, in Relief Society. The lesson was on faith and the teacher in an attempt to repair the apparent, although inaccurate, spiritual implications resulting from this brother's rogue testimony addressed Sister Lambson and mentioned how she admired her enduring and courageous faith carrying this lifelong physical burden. To which she replied, "I always thought that if I had enough faith, that I too would be healed like that man we heard from today". Everyone's hearts just ached at her obvious lifelong pain and longing for physical mercy. Yet, the question remained, 'Why would an all merciful and all knowing God bless this arrogant, self-inflated out-of-towner who claimed meritorious rite and not the sweet and humble local one? Unfortunately, the meeting was pressed for time and came to an unresolved close.
Upon hearing this heart wrenching and I believe all too common experience, where a honest and humble person who seeks for relief, answers or blessings are left inexplicably denied. The natural response, similar to that of Sister Lambson's, is all to often an inaccurate inference of being 'spiritually lacking' or 'unworthy'. 'Somehow and for some reason', the thought process continues, 'God doesn't hear my prayers or my pleading, He doesn't concern himself over my pain or my suffering' or that 'I am for some unknown cause out of reach for God's mercy or intercession'. There are so many among us who suffer in silence. They are surrounded, at least in belief, by the resounding answers and blessings that a merciful God has poured out upon everyone but themselves.
My mind is taken by two scriptural accounts, that I think is applicable here. The first is the account of Thomas, one of the original twelve apostles who missed the appearance of the resurrected Jesus Christ and refused to believe unless he too could see:
John 20: 24-29
24 ¶But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.
25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.
26 ¶And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you.
27 Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
28 And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.
29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
The second account is a delineation of the various Gifts of the Spirit that are poured out individually, with a foreknowledge of God, to each of His children. To some is given one and to some is given another. Each enriching and expanding the tapestry of faith for all to benefit and be enriched.
D&C 46:
10 And again, verily I say unto you, I would that ye should always remember, and always retain in your minds what those gifts are, that are given unto the church.
11 For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.
12 To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.
13 To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world.
14 To others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful.
15 And again, to some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know the differences of administration, as it will be pleasing unto the same Lord, according as the Lord will, suiting his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men.
16 And again, it is given by the Holy Ghost to some to know the diversities of operations, whether they be of God, that the manifestations of the aSpirit may be given to every man to profit withal.
17 And again, verily I say unto you, to some is given, by the Spirit of God, the word of wisdom.
18 To another is given the word of knowledge, that all may be taught to be wise and to have knowledge.
19 And again, to some it is given to have faith to be healed;
20 And to others it is given to have faith to heal.
21 And again, to some is given the working of miracles;
22 And to others it is given to prophesy;
23 And to others the discerning of spirits.
24 And again, it is given to some to speak with tongues;
25 And to another is given the interpretation of tongues.
26 And all these gifts come from God, for the benefit of the children of God.
32 And ye must give thanks unto God in the Spirit for whatsoever blessing ye are blessed with.
What I take away from these two accounts, is that each of us in this life are asked to walk our own unique path of faith. To some are given fantastic spiritual witnesses of truth, to others are given unreel spiritual experiences and miracles, to others still are given exceptional faith, wisdom, or knowledge. The absence of a desired gift doesn't mean the absence of their reality or the minimization of one's own gift possessed. One of the least mentioned and acknowledged gifts of the spirit is the gift to believe on the testimony of others. That is to say, to not receive your own answer, your own blessing, your own miracle in your behalf, or even receive any personal tangible witness of any kind. It means to simply and humbly just believe. A belief based purely on hope. It is a powerful, albeit enigmatic gift of faith. It requires the possessor to walk forward in darkness, but with a perfect brightness of hope that at the other end they will finally find their anticipated transcendent reward. Others, lack this type of faith, like Thomas, they must 'see' to believe. They not only dare not to walk forward in darkness, they can not walk in darkness. They must have the way illuminated, marked and highlighted in order to proceed. Contradictorily, the world praises the 'Thomases' who are given great and fantastic experiences, whose grandeur seem to cast ever widening shadows over those who quietly struggle without spiritual manifestations or assurances. Misunderstood are these things of the spirit, but compassionately understood by Christ, He again declares, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed. The out of town brother who boasted of his many spiritual manifestations and feats was not lifting or strengthening the testimonies of others, but unknowingly declaring to us all of his insecurity and weakness of faith that he like Thomas needed to see these physical displays of proof in order to believe.
For all those who walk in the dark faithfully with nothing but hope to light your course, I praise your faith, I acknowledge your sacrifices and unheralded endurance. The day will come, that every question will be answered, every gift given, every blessing received, and every trial lifted. How great and marvelous will be your moment when the curtains are lifted and you are seen by all as you are seen by God.
