Dangling Lumberjack

We live in a beautiful home that no one can see. When we first purchased our home nine years ago the landscaping was beautiful and appropriate, however as everything continued to grow and enlarge the landscaping through time has nearly completely engulfed our home. At first we enjoyed the added privacy and seclusion that it brought, but now it is too much, too overgrown and just looks bad.

Well the other night our home was hit by another Farmington wind storm that thrashed the tree branches back and forth into our home and windows, keeping us up all night. This is a common experience as Farmington is always having wind storms. Sandra and I went out side and for the first time really looked at how overgrown our trees have become, many of which were inexplicably planted too close to the house and have since grown into tower monsters extending far past our roof line with no signs of stopping their ascent. We knew someday we were going to be in trouble, that these trees will eventually come crashing down on the house, break through a window or cause significant damage some other way to our home, not to mention they have visually grown completely out of control. So Sandra gave me the go ahead and I pulled out the chainsaw and tree clippers and began playing the part of Paul Bunyan. Little by little I removed trees and thinned the rest until we began seeing our home again. Christian was in town for the Labor Day weekend and helped me cut and pile up the branches and logs along the curb. Hours and hours of work and piles and piles of trees were made all the way along the entire front curb of our property. Exhausted and covered in wood chips we cringed at the thought of having to slowly load this downed forrest of trees load after load into our little Tacoma truck and haul it all to the dump. In passing conversation with our neighbor Paul Underwood he told us that we could hire a giant scrap bin dumpster to be delivered to our home, we would fill the bin and then they would return to pick it back up and haul it away. Sold, so worth it. We called and ordered a bin and they said they would drop it off Monday. We all rested Sunday. 

Monday morning (Labor Day) we all woke up ready for more work. Christian and Hunter left to do Krissy and Zack’s yard (Hunter’s summer job) and Sandra went exercising while the younger two watched TV and Madison slept. Knowing that we didn’t have to haul away the piles ourselves and with the dumpster being dropped off this morning, I decided to go after additional trees that I planned on doing in the future. In other words, I got even more chain saw happy and began cutting and trimming back additional trees. Soon I finished all the trees in the yard with new piles now extending covering our driveway. I now ventured to trim back the two enormous cottonwood trees in our backyard which large branches extended and overlooked the swampy wetlands and trampoline below (we previously already moved the trampoline in anticipation of me trimming these trees).

I climbed up my tall extended ladder and little by little I began trimming back the overgrowth. Higher and higher I ascended determined to cut down everything within reach. Finally, now at the very top of the extended ladder, some thirty feet or so from the ground, I began cutting the last reachable branch. All was going as usual when suddenly the weight of the branch shifted sideways pinning and staling out the blade. The chainsaw was stuck and I was twenty five feet off the ground with no way to get the chainsaw free. With one hand supporting the chainsaw I used my other hand to pull downward on the large branch while my legs were pressed in a wide stance supporting me on the ladder. Then it all happened all at once, the branch broke free, but it didn't fall straight down, it swung down and towards me colliding into my ladder. The heavy weight of this large branch easily pushed the ladder and me out of it’s way. I bear hugged the thick tortuous cottonwood bark for dear life as the base of my ladder was pushed out from under me. My legs continued to press firmly against the side walls keeping me attached to the ladder. When the tree limb finally settled far below me I was left dangling precariously balancing on one ladder leg with the ladder no longer directly below me but to the side of me and rotated away from the tree. I was no longer supported by the ladder. In fact it was only my death grip that was holding me and the ladder up. I assessed my situation. My arms were bleeding. My brow in a cold sweat. I had no way down. If I let go of the tree I would fall. If I tried to descend the ladder I would fall. Simply put, I was stuck. I began sweating and fearing there may not be a way to avoid falling. I begin thinking, maybe a graceful fall wouldn’t be so bad. Then I looked down at the tortuous pile of jagged and fractured limbs below realizing that would hardly be a cushioned, if not impaling experience to land in.

Trapped, I began to yell for help. No one could hear me. Nobody was coming to rescue me. I looked down and again considered my predicament. I’m in a bit of trouble. It was about this time that I realized I was still holding the freed chainsaw and thought to myself, “what on earth am I doing still holding this” and I let it drop, the handle breaking on impact—not unlike my bones might do if I similarly fell. I then had a thought, with my now freed hand I begin patting my pockets hoping I had my phone on me while my other hand continued holding me fixed to the tree. In a spot of good luck, I did have my phone with me. I then carefully retrieved it from my front pocket and dialed my next door neighbors the Erickson's. To my total frustration, the phone kept disconnecting! Apparently I was hitting the ‘facetime’ icon instead of the phone icon—Seriously! Finally it went through, Jeff answered, to which I replied, “I’m in a bit of trouble, could you come outside quickly, I’m about to fall off of a tree!” Bewildered, he rushed out and saw me precariously dangling high a top my twisted ladder. Quickly he began pulling the large branches off the ladder, then he supported the ladder and me as I twisted it back onto two legs then shimmied it back around the tree until I was actual being supported again. With great relief I descended with trembling arms down to the sweet safety of mother earth. I’m alive! I can’t believe I didn’t fall! My arms were all scraped up, but other than that I was ok. I was safe and I didn’t have to fall. I profusely thanked Jeff for coming to my rescue.

Now safely on ground and my pulse having returned to normal, I had to get back to work. I spent the next while hauling off the remaining piles of branches and leaves to our front side curb. The sanitation guy finally dropped off the large dumpster which as a family we quickly filled to overflowing. Instead of moving our trampoline back under the large cottonwood trees as before, we moved it back down into the wetland swap where the kids could jump off the retaining wall rocks down to the trampoline below. The trees surrounding the wetlands have grown in deep and thick so you feel like your in your own secluded forrest when your down on the trampoline. The kids now jump with a renewed interest, already loving playing down there. We are not sure what we will do under the old cottonwoods trees, maybe build a gazebo? The next day they picked up the gigantic bin of trees and it was gone. Our house and property look amazing and my body will heal, so all ends well.

Morals of the story:
* Always be friendly with your neighbors, you never know when you may need them to save your life.
* Priorities: Don't be caught holding a chainsaw when much more precious things hang in the balance.
* Always listen to your wife who said from the beginning--we should hire this out!