A fictitious argument at the beginning of time:
Adam and Eve are placed on the Earth. Adam is given dominion over the Earth and given Eve as his help meet--meaning his EQUAL companion and partner. Then one day, Adam is given the patriarchal priesthood and it is revealed that to maintain wisdom and order, Eve should harken him as he harkens to God. Adam blissfully and obliviously relays the message to Eve. To which she replies, "Say what? What did you just say to me? I harken to you?! Why can't you harken to me and i'll harken to God? What happened to 'equal partners'? You know Adam, you are my help meet too, not just me yours?" To which Adam then tries to back peddle and explain to Eve, "No, no you are taking this all wrong, we ARE equals, BUT…" Which of course, sets Eve off further, exclaiming, "Great logic Adam! We are 'equals' as long as I'm just a little bit less important than you? We are equal because I can have babies while you hold the priesthood? Yet when you use your priesthood, it's all about you--'Look at me! The righteous valiant husband'! And when I have a baby, suddenly, it's no longer MY thing, it's OUR baby or even it's YOUR baby), as if I am just an oven for you to bake your world-famous baby-loafs in! Yes, Adam I said that, 'baby-loafs'! We are equals as long as you get all the credit for our successes and I get the credit when we fail? Yeah, you know what i'm talking about…you know I figured it out first and was the only one brave enough to eat the fruit. Yet, as you wrote it, I was deceived. But you FELL? It's not called the Fall of Eve, is it? Nooooooooo, it's the Fall of 'Adam'--it was Adam's big day-- like you would have ever figured it out on your own! If it wasn't for me, you would still be wandering around aimlessly in the garden. Not to mention, I do a heck of a lot more for this family then simply 'begatting'. Seriously Adam, all you ever write about me in that journal of yours is Eve begat Able and Eve begat Cain, begat, begat, begat…. I am more than just your begatting machine! Speaking of which, 'this begatting machine has a 'headache' for the next foreseeable future--now harken that!" And thus began earth's first marital argument which continues even today from one couple to another as it has throughout history.
Mother Eve discovered what every other women has felt since: under-appreciated, under-recognized, under-utilized, under-rewarded, over-worked and completely misunderstood by the men in her life.
Today is Mother's Day. A day reserved to honor the women in our lives. If there is one thing I have learned from Sandra it's that nobody has the ability to make a woman feel more inconsequential than an ignorant man's attempt to celebrate womanhood and motherhood. Since the creation of Eve, men have tried to honor the women in their lives, but most ultimately fail. It is not that they do not love their wives or mothers, but it's their utter lack of understanding of who these women really are. They fail to define them for who they are on the inside as individuals, but rather by the things they do in their role as a mother or wife. It's these simplistic preconceived notions mixed with naive belittling or derogatory comments that garnish society's opinions about women, making women's stomachs turn when their celebrational honors comes up short.
After 6,000 years here are a few things men still don't understand:
1. Women resent being told they are equal or just as important while the world vastly treats them as inferior or less important. This is true wether they are being paid less, being charged more, assuming their passive consent or even receiving smaller portions at a restaurant. The truth is seen in the actions. It's like the person in authority in church that says all callings are equally important--that it doesn't matter if you are called to be a nursery leader or a stake president. Yet, when was the last time you had a sacrament meeting devoted to those forgotten souls trapped in the nursery or library? Equal? I think the preponderance of praise heaped upon those leaders at the podium and the near complete obscurity of those locked in the nursery with screaming two year olds tells the real truth. Yet, I believe those stalwart men and women who endure spiritual-less Sunday after Sunday, serving in the trenches are perhaps actually giving a more noble sacrifice. Like nursery leaders & library workers, Mother's in general are under-appreciated, under-estimated, and underpriced. Offering them one day a year to contemplate all they do and sacrifice is a pittance of what they deserve. Oh, wait. They get a piece of fudge or petunia flower--so I guess that makes us all even!
2. Women detest hearing the accolades of other amazing mothers and women as this only reinforces their own feelings of inadequacy and failure. Regardless of the absurdity of this and how inaccurate their conclusions may be, men must realize that nobody puts more pressure on themselves to succeed than Mother's already do and the last thing they need to hear is how some other Mother (no matter how noble) did something better than they have done.
3. Women do not want to hear your expectations. Unlike men, most women are valiant. They overwhelmingly seem to choose the better good. They frequently sacrifice their wants for the needs of others. They already have high expectations for themselves and so what they really need is our support and appreciation, not your wish lists!
4. Women do not want to be recognized as having their only purpose being their ability to have babies and their willingness to clean or cook. Sandra dreads attending Sacrament meetings on Mother's Day. It is probably the saddest and most pathetic church day of the year. Invariably, there is always one or more youth speaker, or worse, a husband whose talk begins with, "Well I kind of forgot about having to give a talk, until my mom/wife reminded me this morning, so here I go. . . First I want my mom/wife to know how much I appreciate her, because she, like, cleans my room and makes me breakfast and things like that, yeah she's pretty cool I guess." Wow. Really?! That is why you love them? That is just "deep". Attention men! Women are more than a uterus with a broom! How pathetic. Open your eyes and see them for who they are. Define them not by how they grovel to serve you, but why they are willing to serve you. It starts by realizing that MOMS ARE PEOPLE TOO! Just because they often sacrifice everything in their lives to make everyone else happy, there is a real individual inside. A wonderful unique person who has more to offer this world than making peanut butter sandwiches and changing diapers--if they are only allowed to fly. I say, help the women in your life achieve their dreams. Support them, listen to them, and get out of their ways and let them soar!
Seldom in this world do we find successful men who are not surrounded by wonderful women. Why is this? I think it is the fact that they have found as did Adam of old: Harkening to our wives and mothers can make all the difference in the world!
Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful women in my life. I love you all.
