We all have been there and seen the reprehensible display of others at dinner. Hopefully, it wasn't others looking at us in disgust as we engorged ourselves covered in gravy, slurping, burping and lost in ravenous gluttony with our noses pressed deep into a food trough!
As a leader of the 16-18 year old Young Men in our church one of our goals is to prepare this boys for the world of dating. Today we are hosting a co-ed Dating Dinner Etiquette experience where we will teach our young boys and girls how to act properly on a date over dinner. I learned a lot from researching etiquette's does and don'ts and thought it would be good to share my findings with all my many few readers.
Preparing for the date:
1. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Nicer restaurants may have a dress code. Showing up to a formal restaurant in shorts is inappropriate (regardless if they seat you or not). If in doubt ask your date what to wear. Have the courtesy to inform your date of your plans and reservations so they can come prepared for the dates' environment and activities.
2. Hats and Caps: Although commonly seen in casual restaurants, it's really not proper etiquette to keep a hat on when eating.
3. Lipstick: A lady should refrain from replenishing lipstick before coming to the table in order to prevent an imprint of lipstick on the rim of a glass or a napkin.
4. Electronic Devices: Turn off or silence all electronic devices before entering the restaurant. If you forgot to turn off your cell phone, and it rings, immediately turn it off. Do not answer the call. Do not text, and if you have a smart phone do not browse the Internet at the table. Nothing screams, "I am not interested in you or your company" than to be preoccupied with your phone. Turn it off and put it away. You are on a date--That should demand your full attention and focus.
When you first arrive:
1. Typically when sitting enter the chair from the left and exit from the right. If on a formal date a gentleman draws out the chair for his date (seated on his right if in a large group), pushes her chair into place, and seats himself. To avoid congestion, it is easier if ladies approach their chairs from the right.
2. Place your napkin on your lap as soon as you sit down. If you leave for a few moments during the meal, place your napkin on your chair. When you leave at the end of the meal, leave your napkin to the left of your dinner plate. Placing your napkin on the table is the signal to your waiter that you are done eating and ready to leave.
3. If your date will be paying for the meal, be considerate of the costs, order from the mid-priced offerings on the menu.
4. Order and eat what you know. Stay away from awkward, messy, or exotic foods. Ignore finger foods, such as lobster or spare ribs. In fact, you should avoid eating with your fingers altogether, unless you are in a sandwich shop, in which case you should make a point of avoiding the leaky, over-stuffed menu items.
5. Table Manners: Your social graces and general demeanor at the table can tell much about you. For instance, over-ordering food or drink can signal poor self-discipline. At the very least, it will call into question your judgement and maturity. High-handed behavior toward waiters and bus-people could reflect negatively. Your dates concerns are amplified when you return food or complain about the service; actions which, at the very least, find fault with your date's choice of restaurant. By the same token, you will want to observe how your date behaves. After all, you eventually marry the people you date, and their behavior to servers in a restaurant can tell you a lot about how they might treat you.
Eating Etiquette:
1. The time to start eating, of course, is when you both have your food and your begin together; the time to stop is when your date is done; It is rude to continue eating far after the other has finished (even if your still hungry or haven't finished your meal).
2. Eat lightly and avoid messy food. On a good date you will be doing more talking than eating and you don’t want to be wearing your meal during the date. Remember you are on a date, dinner & food are merely supplemental to the date. Eating your food or finishing your food is not the purpose of your date--Dating your date is! Never forget your date, make your date your focus. Enjoy conversation. Get to know each other better. You should leave the restaurant closer than when you arrived.
3. One Thing at a Time: Do one thing at a time at the table. If you want to sip your drink, temporarily rest your fork or knife on the plate. If your talking, refrain from eating and drinking while mid-conversation.
4. Savor the meal and eat slowly; it encourages conversation and keeps your focus and attention on your date.
5. Eating Quietly: The essence of good table manners is unobtrusiveness, a courtesy that includes eating quietly. Noise impedes conversation. Scraping a plate or loudly chewing ice is unpleasant to listen to and considered impolite.
6. Don’t talk when you have food in your mouth, and don’t wave or point with a utensil.
7. Utensils: Keep all your cups and glasses at the top of your place setting and well away from you. Most glasses are knocked over at a cluttered table when one stretches for the condiments or gesticulates to make a point. Of course, your manners will prevent you from reaching rudely for the pepper shaker.
Understand the table setting. Your bread plate is to the left of your dinner plate and your water glass to the right. When you are faced with an array of knives, forks, and spoons, it is always safe to start at the outside and work your way in as the courses come.
8. Seasoning Food: When at a dinner party or restaurant, proper table manners dictate that you taste your food before seasoning it. Hastily covering a dish with salt or drowning it in ketchup implies that you think the cook's creation needs improving on.
9. Cutting Food: Cut your food into one or two bite-sized pieces at a time only. Doing this makes sense, since a plateful of cut-up food is not only unattractive but cools and dries out more quickly than food that is mostly intact. When cutting place fork in left hand, knife in right hand, cut one to two pieces, lay knife across top of plate with blade toward you and move fork to right hand.
10. Using Two Utensils: Food served on a plate is eaten with a fork, and food served in a bowl is taken with a spoon. When two eating utensils or two serving utensils are presented together, such as a fork and spoon, the fork is used to steady the portion, and the spoon to cut and convey the bite to the mouth.
11. Using a Utensil to Push Food: In formal dining the knife is used to push food against the fork. At informal meals, a knife or a piece of bread is used as a pusher, for example, to push salad onto a fork.
12. When pausing between mouthfuls, rest your knife and fork on your plate.
13. Chewing Food: Take Small Bites--Take only enough food to chew and swallow in one easy bite. Moreover, it makes conversation easier. Chew your food well, and swallow it before taking another. Also remember that smacking, slurping, and collecting food in a ball in one cheek are major faux pas. When you have a mouthful of food, it is bad table manners to take a drink or talk. If you have more than a few words to say, swallow your food, rest your fork on your plate, and speak before you resume eating.
14. Don't lick your fingers; use a napkin (that's what it's for).
Control your body:
1. Posture: Don’t slouch in the chair. You needn't sit stiff as a rail at the dinner table, but hunching your shoulders over the plate (a posture often associated with using a fork like a shovel) is a definite "do not." Likewise, slouching back in your chair (which makes it look as if you're not interested in the meal) is bad table manners when eating with others.
2. Sneezing, Coughing, Blowing your Nose: When sneezing or coughing at the table is unavoidable, cover your nose or mouth with a napkin and proceed as quietly as possible. Except in an emergency, don't use a napkin to blow your nose. Use a handkerchief instead and turn your head to the side.
3. Burps: When a burp is coming on, cover the mouth with a napkin, quietly burp, and softly say, "Excuse me." For an attack of hiccups, excuse yourself from the table until they have passed. Rather than draw attention to the condition on return (and interrupt conversation) do not apologize in a public way. Instead, say "Sorry" quietly to the hostess and let it go at that.
4. Elbows: Keep your elbows off the table and at your sides. Note: This applies only when you are actually eating. It's a different story when no utensils are being used; in fact, putting your elbows on the table while leaning forward a bit during a mealtime conversation shows that you're listening intently.
5. Fidgeting: When waiting for the food to arrive or after the meal, you may want to keep your hands in your lap, if only to resist the temptation of fiddling with the utensils or other items. Refrain from drumming your fingers, jiggling your knee, or other fidgety habits, and always keep your hands away from your hair.
6. Reaching: Just how close does something on the table have to be before you reach out and get it yourself? That's simple: within easy reach of your arm when you're leaning only slightly forward. Don't lean past the person sitting next to you or lunge forward trying to reach something. A request to "please pass the [item]" is required for everything beyond that invisible boundary, as is a thank-you to whoever does the passing.
7. Always pass the salt and pepper together, even if only one is asked for. In general, if items are not being passed to a specific person, pass food from left to right.
Being Served:
1. The waiter serves food from your left and beverages from your right side.
2. Always be courteous and say, "Thank you", when you are served.
Drinks:
1. Take a drink only when you have no food in your mouth.
2. Sip your drink, Avoid the urge to gulp your drink at the table, no matter how thirsty you are.
3. When drinking a beverage that contains ice cubes or crushed ice, don't crunch the ice in your mouth.
4. If you're a woman, don't wear so much lipstick that your drinking glass will become smudged. Refrain from refreshing your lipstick until after you are done with your meal.
Bread:
1. Never butter a whole piece of bread. Take some butter and place it on your plate. Use the butter knife if one is available. Break a bite-sized piece off of your bread and hold it on the corner of the bread plate while you butter. Do not tear off more than one piece at a time. It is customary to leave the last piece of bread in the bread basket. Ask the waiter for more if you like.
2. Sopping with Bread: Sop up extra gravy or sauce only with a piece of bread on the end of a fork; the soaked bread is then brought to the mouth with the fork.
Soup:
1. If soup is too hot, stir it, don’t blow. Eat soup taking the spoon away from you, then toward you and sip from the side. Don't leave your spoon in your soup bowl. When you have finished your soup, always place the spoon in the saucer under the soup bowl.
Pasta:
1. When pasta is served on a plate or in a shallow bowl, such as spaghetti, it is eaten with a fork, but if served in a deep bowl, such as ravioli, it is eaten with a spoon.
2. Noodle length and width dictate whether you will be winding the pasta round your fork tines or cutting it.
3. Thin noodles are wound around fork tines. Try to pick up two or three strands with each bite to avoid a bite that becomes too large. For leverage, balance the tips of the tines against the side of the plate and wind the strands around them. A spoon is at times used to steady the fork. Inevitably, some pasta strands will still be hanging from your fork. Just quietly suck them into your mouth (this is not improper dining etiquette).
4. Wide noodles (like ravioli or lasagne noodles) are cut.
Finishing your meal:
1. When you have completed your meal, place your knife and fork on your plate in a 9 to 3 o’clock fashion. Place your napkin on the table to the side of your plate.
Other things to consider:
1. Excusing Yourself: When you need to get up to go to the restroom, it isn't necessary to say where you're going-a simple "Excuse me, please; I'll be right back" is sufficient. At other times, a brief explanation is in order: "Please excuse me while I check with the babysitter." Leaving without a word is rude.
2. Restaurant Buffets: When you are dining at a restaurant buffet, never go back to the buffet for a refill with a dirty plate. Leave it for the waitperson to pick up and start afresh with a clean plate.
Happy dating and may good manners be with you!
